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( the book )
PX
This. (diary of the potted plant)
is the witty, irreverent
[ BUY the BOOK from Amazon! ] [ BUY the BOOK from Barnes&Noble.com ] / read what people are saying about PX This. / |
[ the blahg ]
- the following "blahg"* [please scroll down] consists of excerpts from
[* warning: contains explicit language not suitable for children or sensitive individuals ]
[* other warning: Eats, Shoots and
please see PX This: The Greatest Hits Collection |
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• join theForum* @ PX This to: - comment
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TUESDAY, MARCH 3, 2009. 12:34PM pxthis.com entry yah so have you heard? i'm famous, bitch ---> http://www.blackbookmag.com/article/good-night-mr-lewis-px-this-abbe-diaz-vs-gawker/6249 :)
"... But this is okay. All of this is okay, and I will tell you why in two words: :) [ in case you were wondering what's taking so long, it's cuz zee-jay had to go off to boston and director tim-naylor had to go off to san francisco. paying gigs, you see-- you know how it is. they should be back soon. ] • march 3, 2009. "i'm the opposite of moderate, immaculately polished" • COMMENT on GNML: "abbe vs gawker" • COMMENT on "PX This" series / zainab-jah
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"...has been exposed as a poor customer in a new book by former maitre d' to the stars Abbe Diaz. Diaz, who hosted dozens of top New York restaurants, says in her memoirs PX This the Oscar-winning actress wasn't the most pleasant of customers..." "...is so annoyed by the success of his former Maitre D' Abbe Diaz's new tell-all book, he is forcing his employees to sign confidentiality agreements. They were also banned from discussing the [book] at work." - The New York Post "Abbe Diaz is a blogger and the author of the caustic restaurant expose 'PX This!'..."
contact us with questions/comments/tips:
HIGHLIGHTS and HOT TOPICS - the HOSTESS DIARIES CONSPIRACY? - abbe diaz ejected from JeanGeorges, - did Morandi's chef jody-williams plant a grasshopper in a Mangia wrap? - an open letter to Page Six's Corynne Steindler - addressing Eater.com's inaccuracies about - addressing Gawker.com's inaccuracies about theForum@ PX This. - addressing Gawker.com's other inaccuracies about theForum @ PX This. - "geesus, it's like all journalistic standards go out the window when it comes to [abbe diaz]..."
other buzzzz about abbe diaz: - Who is Abbe Diaz...? - Self-Publishing Ruins Author/Agent Friendship - Hey, How'd You Publish an Industry Tell-All? - Abbe Diaz: Talk Loudly Ex-maitre d' Shown Door - Chef Roman à Clef: "I'm not Abbe" - Those Who Can't, Hire Consultants - Abbe Diaz Takes the Fifth... - Is Abbe Diaz Behind another Crazy Food Scandal? - Sympathy Responds, Declines to Admit Identity - Abbe Diaz Accuses Eater - Go For Toque - Endorsement for the Day - If Two is a Trend... - A Blogger's Peril at La Esquina - The Long-Winded History ofGraydon Carter and Jean-Georges Vongerichten - Leigh Haber Takes Her Complaints Straight to the Top [gawker.com] - Internet People Dine at Balthazar, Talk Trash - Maer Roshan Needs a Cellphone to Cry On
- Auteur Kevin Smith HEARTS abbe diaz - New York Magazine Displays its Astounding Ignorance [Grub Street, NY Magazine]
also by abbe diaz :
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TUESDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2008. 12:38PM pxthis.com entry Producer Zainab Jah and director Tim Naylor are currently in pre-production for the first eight-episode season of "PX This," created and co-written by Abbe Diaz, the "former maitre d' to the stars." The new web series is based on Diaz's published four-year ('real-time') diary of the same title, widely regarded in NYC as the "bible" of the restaurant world. Diaz, a 20 year veteran of the food/beverage industry, has manned the podiums for such illustrious restaurateurs as: Jean-Georges Vongerichten, Brian McNally, Jonathan Morr, and current Waverly Inn proprietors, Eric Goode and Sean MacPherson. Producer Jah had heretofore intended to keep the project under wraps and was unwilling and/or unprepared to disclose any information regarding the series, until last week when, on October 14th, 2008, she discovered an article in Variety, which forced her hand. It seems CBS has just signed a development deal with Jason Jones and Samantha Bee ("The Daily Show") to pen an as-yet-unnamed series about the "behind-the-scenes world of a celebrity chef... and the two women who run his cooking empire." The series treatment for "PX This" (registered with the WGA on December 7, 2007), which has been making the rounds of several Hollywood agencies, is strikingly and undeniably similar to CBS's as-yet-unwritten concept. "We are still hesitant to provide all the details," says Jah, "but we do feel confident and proud to divulge some of the names involved," which include such bold-facers as: Michael Imperioli, Steven R. Schirripa, John Ventimiglia ("The Sopranos") and producer Brian Grazer. "Well, I guess CBS might have another 'Cashmere Mafia' vs 'Lipstick Jungle' situation on its hands," remarks Diaz, "but it's all good. After all, CBS is a TV network, and we're a web series. I mean, they're not going to show on the internet, right?" she chuckles, "Why would they? Besides, I feel strongly going forward-- at least I have true life experience, insight, credibility, tenacity, and passion on my side-- as well as talent (referring to director Naylor and series co-writers Benjamin King and Fernando Gomes). Now we'll just strive to be like Ratatouille's answer to No Reservations. Is that a restaurant insider joke?" Jah laughingly adds, "And for all the naysayers, we have money, too. But not so much we won't consider an offer from CBS, in case they decide they'd like to save some time and energy." • october 21, 2008. "dear CBS 'restaurant sitcom' prod's: buy a clue. xoxo, Us" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
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THURSDAY, AUGUST 21, 2008. 11:28 AM i'm back!
and it was cute, just as the dinghy was pulling away, ürske splashed water in a bucket after them, supposedly it's a turkish superstition type thingie to encourage "coming back." eeheee it worked so well, they came back three minutes later, cuz the banker had forgotten his blackberry.
then we left for simi and since it was going to be about a three hour trip, they decided to hoist the sails. yay! it was soooo beautiful* but also kinda scary cuz i watched the crew the entire time and call me crazy but i would swear at one point '1st mate' the tall long haired mustafa just barely missed being bonked upside the head and tossed overboard i am not even kidding. but everybody just acted like eh that kinda shit happens all the time. we arrived in simi right before sunset and omygoodness it's just the most adorable place ever. oh but it was funny cuz right when the BlackSea was dropping anchor, some other sailing yacht came along and ahahaa they were so not amicable, they were all "what the hell are you doing?!" it was kinda hot in simi with no breeze at all so we took the dinghy around to other side of the island to have a swim for an hour. later ... we had dinner at the little restaurant right on the waterfront (the name of which i can't remember. ugh) that *m&l* were raving about all day. two tables over from us were more peoples that *m&l* knew and it was funny, *l* gave us all the gossip about how the dude is some super rich turkish bazillionaire and how his one daughter had recently been dating some older turkish rock star and how it used to be such the tabloid scandal. until the rock star got scared the turkish bazillionaire was gonna "make big trouble" for him so he broke up with the bazillionaire's daughter. yah so-- the owner of the restaurant ended up comping the entire meal. cuz presumably *m&l* are always sending all sorts of peoples there all the time and so the owner was grateful, she remarked "everyone comes and says they're friends of BlackSea!" when we strolled around simi after dinner i realized the island of simi isn't really part of the greek animosity whatever brigade, cuz obviously it's constantly filled with turks (and holy
we stopped for ice cream at *l*'s favorite place and bought her a pint of plain yogurt flavored ice cream. oh it was great too, the ice cream shopkeeper informed us how traveling to new york is all the rage with greeks these days, i'd had no idea. cuz apparently the euro is killing them so the dollar is mad cheap in comparison. she even regaled us with this anecdote about how her kids spent over €110.00 on "american northstar sneakers" but when her relatives came to the US, they found them in a store for $24.00 which is "like nothing" to them. hooray USA. when we returned to the BlackSea we discovered the greek coast guard had some issue with the passports and whatnot, like they wanted to know "where the two americans came from" since technically we'd landed in istanbul. also i got the impression they wanted their palms greased or something but what the hells do i know.
there was a beautiful british sailing yacht across the way instead and they were very nice. i even learned all about sailor etiquette, like how the crew of one boat is supposed to stand on deck and pay attention if another boat is mooring nearby, just to help look out and make sure it's okay. they even watched with binoculars, but haa maybe that's just cuz (like everybody else) they were totally sweating the BlackSea too.
oh hahahhaa i say "rupert-murdoch" cuz as we were sitting at dinner with 'the greek' and his nine guests, it suddenly occurred to my brain to try and put the whole experience in some kind of perspective it could better comprehend. so then [we] renamed everybody according to their stature, like for example we realized 'the greek' is "the rupert-murdoch" of greece. so then *m* suddenly became to us "the ron-perelman" of turkey, but only cuz we couldn't think of any comparable affable self made independent american megabazillionaire who is totally devoted to his one and only wife of 35 years. so since the BlackSea is so well known in the "turkish riviera" we decided he should just be "ron-perelman." amongst the other guests of "rupert-murdoch" was the "david-duchovny" of greece and the "les-moonves" of the EU. there was also "the CIA guy." we couldn't think of an appropriate pseudonym for him so we just call him *theCIAguy* since *rupert* had informed us theCIAguy is "opening NATO schools in greece." actually what *rupert* had said exactly was: "... i dunno, he must be a CIA agent, because how else could he get licenses to build NATO schools in greece?"
oh yah that reminds me. i say "meet" cuz we left ahead of time. since the Quintessa travels about three times faster than the BlackSea, we arranged to leave an hour and a half ahead of them. sure enough when we arrived, the Quintessa was only 35 seconds behind us. 70,000 LITERS. it eats up approximately 400 liters PER HOUR. yes you calculated that shit right mutherfukker, it burns through about $500.00 worth of fuel every 60 minutes.
• august 21, 2008. "friends of Black Sea" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
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MONDAY. JULY 14, 2008. 9:39AM i want to say i visited three countries the last ten days (cuz it sounds so impressive) but as my (jaded peevish surly) buddy commented last time, that would make me "full of shit" cuz really it was just "three cities." actually come to think of it, it was really about five or seven cities (so nyeeeah) but hey who's counting.
anyhoo, badoc was lovely as usual. oh okay that's a lie, badoc was actually ten times better than it has ever been. lots has changed since my last visit six years ago, i almost couldn't believe it, except for of course my whole family has been bragging to me for like four years now how awesome it is and how i've been totally missing all the fun-- ya know, "just because" (?!) i'm too uppity to travel 31 ridiculous hours to get there (and cuz i haaaate manila, and unfortunately there aint no getting to badoc without landing in stupid manila first). ha ha aha haa but mainly cuz WOW my fam is really REALLY some serious hot shit up around those parts now i am not even kidding. no joke, if ever you are up in that area, drop on by. it's really easy to find, alls you have to know is mom's maiden name and alls you gotta do is ask ANYONE where "we" live. your ass would probably get escorted there personally and happily. (please make sure once you get there to ask auntie-belling or auntie-perling to see to it your guide gets made a fresh pot of coffee or tossed a pandasal or some shit for his/her trouble, cuz it's just the neighborly thing to do, you see.) yah so, the "affair" went really well, thanks for asking. aside from the "16 piece orchestra" i think the best part was the catering. i mean, yah we've had some impressive catering for other events before, but this one was really off the hook. by the way, have you ever seen a pig in a sidecar? top that shit, pat-la.frieda! [hahahhaa whoops sorry! 'industry insider' joke.]
cousin-fraul told me she saw some random video on youtubes that was just "My Tricycle Ride In Badoc." and so i was all: "
anyways, we went to a few cool restaurants and bars and shops and whatnot in hongkong so that was fun. there was even this one place that was a cafe and pastry shop, and their specialty is making cakes that are shaped like sculptures of trees and teacups and stuff! and i got to ride the StarFerry, which is the boat that takes everybody back and forth from hongkong to kowloon.
anyways, macau was nice and all, but despite what you may have heard, it aint no las vegas (yet). oh eeheee what's pretty funny is last night right when we got home from the airport, i turned on the teevee and Ocean's Thirteen happened to be playing. YAH SO. i turn on Ocean's Thirteen last night and right away is this line from brad-pitt: "...all i had to say were the words general manager and macau..." [and she was 'in' (?) or 'sold' (?) or whatever the hell he said]. we only visited Sands and theVenetian and theWynn casinos. theVenetian is exactly like the one in vegas, but theWynn is the nicest-- it's the prettiest and the most 'chinese' of them all. plus theWynn has this pretty cool feature where the ceiling opens up and this giant chandelier drops down, as this golden tree rises up from the ground. i didn't know this beforehand, i just happened to catch it at the right time so that was nice.
the only other thing i can think to mention about my awesome trip is how i got to ride in a rolls royce for the very first time too, and it wasn't even prom night or anything. it was neat. • july 14, 2008. "another three cities" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
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TUESDAY, JULY 1, 2008. 11:48AM last night lelaine-lau of Salon403 held a gathering to meet the tibetan monk, the Venerable Palden Gyatso, author of The Autobiography of a Tibetan Monk and the subject of the upcoming documentary Fire Under the Snow [... sorry! the rest of this entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]
• july 1, 2008. the Venerable Palden Gyatso - Fire Under the Snow •
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FRIDAY, JUNE 6, 2008. 12:59PM [sorry! a portion of the entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish] and it was cute, at one point they were amused cuz they were thanking me for arranging the dinner and so i recounted to them the story of making the reservation-- how emil-varda had asked me immediately if i'm bringing somebody important and i'd retorted "of course! i'm bringing the mayor of _____ !" hee heeee ahaa.
yah so i was just saying how i'd maybe have to track down his new information since i only have his phone number from back in like 2002-- and boom i look over and it's brian-mcnally across the room!
oh whoops! sorry, i'm digressing. that's way too much stupid restaurant talk. for a second there i forgot this is my journal book thingie, not my interweb blog thingie. it gets kinda confusing sometimes.
geezus christ where do i even begin yah so. a whiles back they hired this new dude named joshua-stein, i guess it was his job at one point to write specifically about restaurants and nightlife in nyc. so, right when the "industry forum" section of my blahg thingie launched, we sent him a link to the story about how a grasshopper mysteriously appeared in a sandwich wrap... you remember the whole sordid saga, yah? sure you do. for example like this: and like this: and like this: and my personal favorite:
following along so far? [no? i can't blame you, really.] okay. so apparently there's this "reality" teevee show called Top Chef and so that's what he writes about. every time it airs. well, a couple weeks ago he remarked about how he's all upset cuz some mean horrible chef ON THE TEEVEE SHOW somehow manages to go about her life just fine and dandy with no repercussions at all for being a mean horrible nasty disgusting human being. ha ha ha haa ha aha haaa i'm sorry but when i saw that nonsense i couldn't help it, i composed him a little letter and posted it on the big massive ubiquitous omnipotent invincible interweb thingie for alls the world to see. and here it is: Whoa, whaaat?! Time out, douchewit. Generally, I don't watch Top Chef because it's retarded, and I don't read you, because you suck. I accidentally somehow ended up in here, cuz I wanted to see more of this awesome screwing-your-coworker clusterfuck that "the media" is so impressed with this week, and I dunno, maybe my mouse got all trigger happy or some shit. Yah so uh, lemme get this straight-- you come back here to Gawker to blog about this bullshit in your oh-so-absolutely-clueless fucking way, because right now nobody else is paying you to spew your typically pedestrian idiocy, yes? Now, did I just read correctly, or are you seriously being indignant about some chef on a fucking TEEVEE SHOW, because she's an ass-sucking fuckface (or whatever)? In short: Fuck you, and the fucking stupid, self-righteous, dumbshit horse you rode in on. SIGNED, p.s. NICE JOB with your so-called "career" so far, dweeb. hahhahahahahhaaa aint it great? then gawker dot com banned me. as in: they revoked my "commenting privileges." oh no wait, look there he is again today, still typing about Top Chef and still bitching about the same mean nasty horrible chef ON THE FUCKING TEEVEE SHOW.
i'm also the one who's "crazy" & "boring" & "incoherent" & "psycho" just because i choose to write in my journal only about things of which i know. unlike, of course, josh-stein the "journalist" who chooses to just write about things of which he knows nothing.
• june 6, 2008. "if you can't take the heat... then i hope you get run over by a fucking bus" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
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WEDNESDAY, APRIL 23, 2008. 2:38PM pxthis.com entry yay i'm famous ! a couple weeks ago i did this interview thingie with this other interweb bloggetty blog, it's called Good Night Mr. Lewis dot com.
yah so it was a lot of fun, but ahhahhaaa--- i totally ran my mouth offs, i didn't give a flying fuck. i was spouting all sorts of stuffs, they even asked me "are you suuuuure we can print this?" eehee hee heee. in any case, it turns out i yappetty yapped so much, they had to break my interview down into three parts, which are running on three separate consecutive days. parts I & II are already "live" so please by all means, check them bad boys out: click here for Part One ---> http://www.goodnightmrlewis.com/2008/04/abbe-diaz-talk.html UPDATE 4.26.08: and here's Part Three ! ---> http://www.goodnightmrlewis.com/2008/04/abbe-diaz-tal-2.html personally i think it's the bestest part of all, so maybe start here and go backwards ! enjoy !
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TUESDAY, APRIL 15, 2008. 12:28PM last night was fun, it was the Time Out New York Eat Out Awards party thingie. i got to go cuz i was an invited guest of CentroVinoteca-- it got nominated for "best new restaurant." yay! i got to see a whole bunch of famous chefs and restaurateurs and whatnot, like: sam-mason & david-chang & anne-burrell & ryan-lowder & emil-varda & florent-morellet & of course sasha-muniak. so that was great. so emil-varda says to me "YES! they're taken! you can't sit here, go someplace else!" and thus i respond: "whaaaatever, bitch!" and plop my ass down directly across from that mutherfukker. oh but it was kinda odd, emil-varda introduced me to another guy from theWaverlyInn, lynn-oops-i-never-got-a-last name (bad me bad me). emil-varda said to him "do you knoooow who this is?" and he responded "yes of course" (!!) so i guess i must be really really much more famous at theWaverly than even i had ever surmised. the ony thing that was kinda a bummer is that david-chang ran off the stage so fast, i couldn't get a really good photo of him. and then he just disappeared, so i didn't get a chance to tell him alls about my awesomely cute korean friend who has a mad crush on him, she's like totally in loooove with him she wants to have like 10,000 of his babies.
• april 15, 2008. "the other TONY awards" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
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WEDNESDAY, APRIL 9, 2008. 10:35AM yah so i'm back. from the new "usual" joint
• april 1, 2008. "04-04-08-04-08-08" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
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TUESDAY, APRIL 1, 2008. 1:12PM last night was great, it was a fundraiser party thingie for StudioDante (sponsored by Architectural Digest), which is the theatre owned and run by michael&victoria-imperioli. yay! ... aside from meeting the imperiolis i also saw (in order of appearance): chris-cooper & john-ventimiglia & tony-sirico & drea-dematteo & david-chase & aida turturro & vincent-pastore & stanley-tucci & lauren-bacall. anyways
• april 1, 2008. "First Readings by Studio Dante" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
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FRIDAY, MARCH 7, 2008. 10:43AM so my trip to santa monica was lovely, the weather was beautiful so i got lucky, apparently it's been rainy and in the 50's the last couple weeks or so. anyways [... sorry! a portion of the entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]
• march 7, 2008. "'...remember it was how to deal with an Upset'" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
SATURDAY, MARCH 1, 2008. 10:48PM finally i'm off to santa monica tomorrow, yay! i must say i'm pretty anxious to see [... sorry! the rest of the entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]
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TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2008. 9:36AM yay, i was in the NY Daily News yesterday ! neat, huh? i especially think it's cool cuz i remember way back when i was in the Daily News the very first time-- i have these aunties and uncles and cousins and whatnot, they alls live in the boonies of new jersey. well
anyways. so here i come, i'm just this person who published my diary, but it turns out there happens to be a lot of stuffs about restaurants in there cuz i only spent about ohhhhh twenty some odd years of my life in this fucking ridiculous industry. okay so here they are, and every single week is new information in the magazine about what restaurants have opened or closed or added pork to the menu. the funny thing is mostly they just print the SAME information week after week after week after week but whatever. i digress. in any case, one of their "food journalists" is named [... sorry! the rest of the entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish] • february 26, 2008. "i got iiiiiiice cream, and you aint gotttttttt none" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2008. 10:32AM pxthis.com entry so. didja hear ? i got thrown out of a restaurant the other day. if you wanna read alls about it, here ya go! click here----> http://pxthis.invisionzone.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=333&view=findpost&p=5018 enjoy ! :)
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THURSDAY, JANUARY 31, 2008. 9:31AM whew anyways i've been really conscientious though, every day i have been taking little notes and whatnot. and so away we go-- this first month of this new 2,008th year went a little something like this: ... dec25.07 : 7:30am flight to our usual joint. we got to the airport at 6:35am and they wouldn't let us check in cuz we were "too late." and so we spent another 15 minutes running around from person to higher person to higher higher person and alls they did was tell us again and again how being 5 minutes late is simply our fucking problem (yah merry christmas to you too, fuckface). and then right around the time i was ready to either go totally postal or cry, one nice lady FINALLY took pity on us and spent approximately 22 seconds worth of her time and energy to check us into our flight. and so we got our boarding passes and went through security and made it onto the plane with about 3 minutes to spare. dec26.07 : booo today was still a little bit cloudy. oh well, it's 84 fucking degrees what the hells am i bitching about. dec27.07 : just out of nowheres i decided to send my boy brian-grazer a merry holidays and early happy new year SMS. and it popped into my brain "he must be in maui" so that's exactly what i said in my message. and he was so sweet he responded right away and his reply said yes he's "in hawaii." wow i'm psychic. dec28.07 : evidently joshua-stein the ignorasshole at gawker.com is at it again, i just discovered he's mentioned me twice during some new year Q&A with eater.com (apparently they asked several "restaurant experts" ahhahaHAHAHAHhahahaa their opinions on some whatever the fuck went on this past year in their own little Delusional Foodie World). apparently joshua-stein thinks the "biggest surprise of 2007" is that i haven't killed anyone yet (is that an invitation, bitch?) or some shit, and that he thinks the most important "restaurant neighborhood" of this year is my twat. dec29.07 : [... sorry! the rest of the entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]
• january 31, 2008. "anthony boohr die in" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 2, 2008. 8:53AM sorry, but theForum @ PX This is experiencing technical difficulties :( please be patient while the nice peoples to whom one pays good $$ for making sure shit like this doesn't happen figure that whole mess out. thanks.
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WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2007. 8:34AM last night i had a dream that *rollerfink* won the Project Redlight contest !! oh wait did i never tell about *rollerfink* ? *rollerfink* is a piglet (the greatest piglet of them all!) i "met" during the very first original Project Greenlight contest. anyhoo. right now apparently Radar Magazine is having this funny Project Redlight contest (isn't it ironic ? don't ya think) in which harvey-weinstein is trying to find funny writer "scabs" who are not in the writer's union by initiating this ostensibly satirical contest wherein regular peoples are supposed to send in BAD movie "pitches" (that's hollywood jargon), which of course in turn will unearth all these funny fantastic "notWriters" (not to be confused with real actual Writers who are allowed to call themselves "Writers" because they are members of the Writer's Union, unlike all the rest of the stupid Writer-wannabees who go around calling themselves "writers" when in reality they're just lame assed "hobbyists" and "budding wordsmith[s] at best") cuz DUH-- if one is smart enough to discern what is a BAD pitch, then surely one must also know what is a GOOD pitch, yes ? following along ? no ? it matters not, really. anyhoo as soon as i saw the rules and regulations of this Project Redlight i absolutely 100% without a doubt knew right away *rollerfink* is the perfect contestant. so i told him all about it and he says he is going to enter. and last night i had a dream HE WON ! yay ! he's going to do it too. you just watch mutherfukkers.
12:21PM LOOK ! it's fucking steve-schirripa !! i cannot even begin to recount how totally utterly bizarro • november 28, 2007. "rollerfink" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
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TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2007. 1:22PM i just spent the last hour listening to moms babble on the telephone. hahha aha haa that bitch is crazy. the funny thing is she asked "what's new?" but since she spent 45 minutes yapping incessantly, my brain was too exhausted to talk by the time it was my turn so i just replied "nothing."
i am pretty sure eventually moms is going to end up reading the new PX This Too book, the same way she read the first PX This book. well, this morning right before i dropped everything to phone moms cuz i felt guilty since i know i didn't speak to her on the day they slaughter all the poor turkeys cuz my acupuncturist distinctly warned me to avoid all stress as much as possible-- i just found out this website on the world wide internet thingie is sweating me. again. see moms, on the computer internet thingie there are these websites called "blogs" and basically they're like little magazines that people look at every day.
well anyways, yesterday this OTHER "blog" on the internet wrote about her-- they said she had to move out of her building because her condominium has molds.
oh did you ever meet my korean friend ? not the ones i lived with in college but this other girl, maybe you met her at the trunk show too, i used to work with her. anyhoo i ran into him in this store the other night. which wouldn't be such a big deal except that i had just made a joke about him on this OTHER "blog" website that's owned by New York Magazine. in any case, what happened was that i told this little joke about this chef named david-chang on the website that's owned by this magazine and then i ran into this very same guy totally randomly the next day.
so yah while i'm doing that i'll be sure to think about going to law school.
• november 27, 2007. "selling noodles" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
MONDAY, NOVEMER 19, 2007. 2:28PM [... sorry! the entire entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]
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THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2007. 10:22AM you missed my birthday. yah so i was away all last week in case you were wondering. which is great because apparently it's supposed to be verrrry auspicious to be elsewhere other than the place in which you reside when your b'day rolls around. oh okay i'll say a wee bit more. evidently the other birthday thing i should be doing is starting anew with some personal stuffs and whatnot. ya know-- like new year's resolutions (which i never really believed in anyways). supposedly it's far more appropriate to exercise this tradition on your birthday, rather than on some kinda random first-day-of-the-year nonsense which truly makes no sense at all if you really think about it.
as a matter of fact it's so much like new york i even did the exact same shit i always do: run around looking at restaurants. and yah i got to try a few so that was cool, but i must say of all the ("hottest!") places i tried, it turns out theVirginClubhouse was the bestest of them all. oh ! but oymylord speaking of airports well anyways, i don't mean to keep going on endlessly about stupid airports or whatever but i just wanted to quickly remark one more thing and that's: VirginAirways kicks ass ! now. i don't know a damned thing about VirginAirways except that it's owned by some filthy rich english megabazillionaire who obviously isn't susceptible to such crazy mick mafia tactics, cuz VirginAirways is clearly flying the not-so-friendly skies these days perfectly fine and dandy. okay so.
but of course as you would expect, there is an economic disparity in marrakech so wide if you tried to draw a line to represent the distance, one end would probably go all the way around in a circle and end up touching itself again. (does that even make sense ?? whatever.) and did you know that if you want to work in any sort of decent (or maybe even not-so-decent) job in marrakech, you have to be tri-lingual ? yes muttherfukker i said TRI-lingual. as in: if you can't speak english, french, AND arabic, then your sorry ass is just plain ole grass. makes you feel kinda STUPID, doesn't it ? oh i could go on and on and on about marrakech but why bother. none of it would do it any remote justice anyways-- i think maybe it's just a place one needs to see to appreciate. so maybe add that shit to your Things One Must Do Before One Drops Dead list. personally i'm adding it to my Things One Must Do AGAIN Before One Drops Dead list right this very minute.
no but seriously though and they just might do it too ! although i don't know HOW they're going to manage this without any blacks, mexicans, or filipinos to do everything for them since no such persons exists in istanbul. but hey maybe they're just smarter than the rest of the idiot world, the fuck i know. also they have this Bosphorus waterway too-- that might help things along. the only other thing i can think to mention is how WOW those istanboolooroos sure are patriotic, there are turkish flags EVERYWHERES. there are more turkish flags hanging in istanbul today than new york had waving on september 12, 2001. plus there are photos of that leader dude who westernized türkiye (by banning all the fezzes) alls over the place too. it's pretty neat. oh the only other other thing i wanted to tell is: now i finally know why the term "carpet salesman" is derogatory. they have really great fake handbags in the GrandBazaar though ! every single brand and style you can possibly imagine, i even saw this gold ostrich YvesStLaurent for only YTL450.00 ! and i bet i could have talked him down another 30% if i'd wanted it too. so there is that. so yah. that's istanbul.
all in all the trip was really great but i'm still glad to be home too. • november 8, 2007. "three cities" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
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MONDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2007. 12:29PM i think i almost fainted last night it was pretty trippy. even right now i'm not feeling exactly 100% and i did sleep in much much later than usual. thank goodness i was on my way back to bed anyways, i'd gotten up in the middle of the night to grab myself a glass of ojay. i had the first dizzy spell right when i was pouring from the carton and when i felt my knees buckle and my heart start racing and the nausea building i went straight back to bed where i had the second dizzy spell right as i was climbing in. i don't think i actually did faint but i guess i must have fallen asleep not long afterward. and i totally know what did it to me too, it was right as i was opening the refrigerator door to grab the ojay that the conversation i'd had earlier (over dinner) just sorta hit me i guess. but it was weird cuz it wasn't like it was the discussion itself that got to me, but more like a certain part of it suddenly struck me as untrue [... sorry! the rest of the entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish] • october 29, 2007. "so that's what fainting feels like" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
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SATURDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2007. 3:12PM i had another dream about water last night, i haven't had one of those in a while. and it was good, the water was clear and blue and beautiful and calm, but there were rocks on the bottom so i had to be careful while i was swimming. and it was crowded too-- i was at a big beach resort apparently, and so there were mobs of peoples all over the place i remember i was trying to find a nice open place to dive in easily. the resort was built on a cliff so there wasn't a typical beach with sand and shores and whatnot but there were palm trees everywhere. and the ocean only flowed through this one narrow inlet, which i guess is why the water was so placid and warm. well whatever. overall i think it was a good sign. and it's even better come to think of it, since i've been feeling pretty icky and funky lately. maybe the whole Mercury retro whatever the hells was fucking with my inner chi or some shit. or oh ! ah ha haa yah i never told about the jerkohead in the bookstore. it was i guess last week sometime i was just browsing in this old bookstore on mercer street. and there was this couple the next aisle over, i could hear them talking through the bookcase. i had my back turned to them so maybe that's why even though there was a wee bit of open space between the tops of the books and the underside of the next shelf up, she didn't see me all that clearly, which is probably why she thought it was perfectly okay to suddenly vociferously blurt out: "oh yah my grandmother haaates asian people." it must have been the dude with her who spotted me cuz just as she was about to elaborate, it seemed like he cut her off midsentence. and then they left the bookstore. ahhahaaa ha haa. no seriously though sigh i dunno. really. i don't get it. i mean i know asians can't drive to save their lives and they shuffle annoyingly when they walk dragging their fucking heels so noisily all over the place an'shit OHHH wait. it's probably a japanese/vietnam thing isn't it ? i always forget that one. come to think of it maybe that's why i got yelled at outside the Waldbaum's in jersey city a few years ago too-- some old lady with a thick russian accent kept screaming at me to "go back" where i "came from" for absolutely no reason at all. sigh whatever. never mind.
did i never tell about gwen-butler ? she's "Boston's $2.45 Million Dollar Bartender" according to New York magazine. even though she really got $3 million. well anyhoo. to make a long story short, she [... sorry! the rest of this entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish] • october 27, 2007. "granny wants to hate on chinese/ well here's a reminder/ she better check her teeth/ they say "made in china"..." •
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MONDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2008. 12:24PM actually i don't really have much time for this right now but i just wanted to catch up and tell how everything seems to be going pretty well, the project and the other project and the other other project are all under way. granted it's all developing kinda trudgingly, but maybe that's just cuz of how the entire universe needed to be dropped suddenly to make time for all the packing, and then of course after the days of packing were all the days of unpacking. which i'm still doing right now by the way. i'm not complaining at all though cuz the packing went rather smoothly and the unpacking is progressing quite swimmingly. and i'm pretty excited too cuz then after all the unpacking is finally finished then the other other other project can start too. aha haa of course that will be right around the time i'll be dropping everything all over again to do a few days of traveling ! yay ! isn't this fun ? YES IT IS. yah so anyways. speaking of all the packing and unpacking, i never told about how the fungshooey master came and said how the new fungshooey is soooo much better than the old fungshooey. and i am totally thinking it MUST be true ! cuz already... [... sorry! the rest of this entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]
• october 15, 2007. "this one is for: my sum dum goys [patience, young grasshopper - PART III]" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
MONDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2007. 3:45PM [... sorry! the entire entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]
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SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2007. 1:08PM [sorry! the beginning of this entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish] ...which is so funny. cuz remember the time i was in LA and i had dinner with gary-dourdan ? well i didn't bother mentioning it back then but actually i had asked gary-dourdan if he would consider maybe producing my book as a teevee series. actually all along i had been fantasizing how gary-dourdan would make a great "eric-goode character" but that part only comes later in the story, so i'd wondered if maybe gary-dourdan might want to produce or something instead, since maybe the eric-goode role wasn't big enough for him. anyways. gary-dourdan was super sweet he'd said he would definitely consider it. and i remember he had asked me "who would play you?" i'd wanted to show him i wasn't as ignorant about television as i seemed, so i responded something like: "well maybe hollywood will want to change the lead character to a white person instead..." i was trying to show him i'm not stupid at all. but it was (kind of) surprising, gary-dourdan replied: "but that's what makes the story interesting! that's it's YOU, and you're NOT white. you shouldn't cave when it comes to something like that..." and then he went on to explain how originally the idea for CSI was a dud, nobody wanted to touch it with a ten foot pole. and look at it now (!) it was like the number one rated show on teevee for like forever or some shit-- he even recounted to me how the quentin-tarantino directed episode had something like 30 million viewers the night it aired. anyhoo so then i felt awful, i didn't want gary-dourdan to think i am weak, so i said something like "well okay... but i have no idea who would play me." ha haa i totally recall thinking to myself back then: what is he crazy ? lucy-liu ? she's like a huge FILM actress, why would she be interested in teevee ? and now look isn't it nutso ? not only is lucy-liu starring in a teevee series, but she's playing a white character.
i was trying to show how smart i am again, you see. apparently this is how it works, you have to "attach" (that's hollywood jargon) famous peoples to your "project" and that's how They decide if your idea is good enough for film/teevee or not (cuz evidently nobody in hollywood reads and that's why They can't just figure that shit out for Themselves).
ee hee heee ha ha ha ha ha haa ahhahahahaa geezus christ. • september 30, 2007. "who would play you" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)
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© 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 Abbe Diaz. All Rights Reserved.
= "personne extraordinaire"
